Talking to People about Strange Quark

When you first discovered Strange Quark, your first thought was probably, "I love this! I need to share this with the world!" But when you tried to talk to people it became awkward, didn't it?

"What if they don't understand? What if they laugh? What if they don't?"

You may ask the question, "Am I throwing pearls before swine?" In fact, you are. All of your friends are idiots. At least the ones that I've met. But that doesn't mean that they should be deprived of Strange Quark!

I've developed this page to help you share Strange Quark with the world. I've done it not because it matters to me whether or not numerous people become my enslaved minions in a bid for world domination, but as a resource for you to help you help others feel the strange joy of being quarked.

WHO TO TALK TO

You may think that comics are much too personal to discuss with people you don't know well. But if you do, you are wrong. Frankly, you are wrong about a lot of things. But I'll leave it to your parents to help you sort that out. The fact is, you'd be surprised how often people will open up and share very private information with complete strangers - especially if you claim to be a rich Nigerian prince. The Nigerian prince act works. Use it!

Of course, the people most likely to listen to your message of joy and laughter are people with whom you have already developed a relationship - and people who you have tied up, gagged, and blindfolded. For "legal reasons" I have to encourage you to focus on the former (wink wink).

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS OF TRUST

People will be more willing to listen to your message if they trust you. So it's important that you build up a level of trust before you violate that trust. Try to find things that you have in common. For example, you might start a conversation by saying . . .

"Hey, based on your personal hygiene, you appear to be a nerd. I used to beat up nerds in high school!"

or,

"You have a lot of money! I love money!"

STEERING THE CONVERSATION

You may have noticed that a conversation is a two way street. But it shouldn't be. Your friends should just shut up and listen to you. Here are some approaches you might use to try to steer the conversation:

"I've noticed that you like to laugh . . ."

"Since you have a ridiculous laugh, here's a website you should probably only look at in the privacy of your own home . . ."

"I read this comic about a guy named Jake, and it reminded me of you."

GOLDEN QUESTIONS

Some people think that they can change someone's outlook by asking strangers thought provoking questions. This approach typically only makes people irritated, which is a good enough reason to try it. Here are some questions you could use:

"Have you ever asked yourself, 'why am I the only one who didn't get that joke?'"

"Have you ever wondered why the internet was created?" (This is known as a "higher purpose" question.)

"Where do comics come from? Why are they here? Where are they going?"

"Have you ever wondered why people sometimes squirt milk out their nose when they laugh?"

"Have you ever been reading xkcd or PhD Comics and felt like something was missing?"

"Hey, don't you owe me $100?"

"How about you pledge to read Strange Quark, and I won't tell your mom what you just ..."

"If you don't become a Strange Quark minion, guess what I'm going to do to your cat?" (Again, for legal reasons I have to explain that this is just a joke - wink wink)

PASS-ALONG CARDS

Print out these "Pass-along Cards" and give them to all of your friends! They look great printed on a 3x5 card. Yeah, I know, I just asked to you not only to talk to another human being but to go to the effort of printing something out first. Who am I kidding? Anyway, here they are . . .

Come back hourly to see if any new pass-along cards have been posted. OK, hourly might be a bit much. How about semi-hourly?

BUILDING ON COMMON BELIEFS

Those of us who have discovered Strange Quark comics know of their superiority. But it is seldom constructive to insult other comics. Statements like "People who read xkcd are a cult," or, "PhD Comics is really lacking in the hot robot woman department," even though they are verifiably true (search snopes.com for "xkcd, cult, mayonnaise"), will only alienate non believers and reveal my petty bitterness over the fact that even the least humorous of these comics get many many more views than Strange Quark. Instead, try to build on common beliefs - like the fact that thesis advisors are cruel, and that it is funny to talk about non-scientific things using the language of science.

There is one exception. You can say anything you want about "Uncle Art's Funland." I never seem to get the jokes in that strip.

SPAM, VANDALISM, AND OTHER "MEANS JUSTIFIED BY THE ENDS"

Remember to tweet it, digg it, Reddit, pin it, +1 it, and embed comics into your blog, website, and the skin on your back - BTW I heard about a great tattoo parlor called "Tatooine." Post links in Facebook, Twitter, Google+, bathroom walls, etc. If you don't know how to do this, you are technologically un-evolved. Ha, I just insulted my fan base! no wonder I'm not more popular. Anyway, if this all seems confusing, just push these buttons a lot:

No, not the image of the buttons here, the actual buttons on the comic pages (sigh).

Remember, Strange Quark is a high-brow, intellectual comic. But if all else fails, appeal to it's more base attractive traits. It is sexy, with a scantily clothed cat girl and a robot woman. It's got violence and cussing. It even has vicious aliens and fighting!

Hopefully these tips will help you be more effective at recruiting minions for my eventual enslavement of the human race. Muha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Remember, if I don't seize the world, someone else will. And they probably won't be very funny.